Codependency: Common and Insidious - Fall Series Part II

Codependency is a learned behavior passed down from one generation to another. It is a type of unhealthy relationship that people share with those close to them. Codependency was originally thought to involve families of substance abuse; however, it includes other types of dysfunctional relationships. The conflict and pain with codependency are almost constant, however recognizing the problem is very hard because it is just the way things are and always have been. It’s like being a fish in a fishbowl and the water is the problem. The fish doesn't examine how the water affects her, she merely swims through it, every moment of her life. That is how codependency is insidious and remains unrecognized and thus unhealed.
The Signs Codependents have difficulty: Experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteemSetting functional boundariesOwning and expressing their own realityTaking care of their adult needs and wantsExperiencing and expressing their reality moderatelyIf you think that none of …
Hello Everyone,

It has been a while since I have blogged. I have been meeting with all of you here in the office, teaching classes and cooking up a great theme for fall. 

Fall's theme is "Healing from Co-dependency and its Hidden Charms"

Co-dependency (CD) is an old term, however, it has not lost its zest in our lives as a collective humanity! Often times CD manifests as a set of behaviours that set us up for failure and lack of joy. It can remain invisible while relationship problems persist until we get help and choose to see and change the many layers of it in our lives.

Initially, it can be almost impossible to recognize our own co-dependent behaviours and their negative impact that spans across all of our thoughts, behaviours and outcomes. Co-dependency is usually embedded in us during childhood, which is why it can be hard to become aware of it...its just the way things are and always have been. 

This fall I will write a series of blog posts about co-dependence so stay …

Angers Wave, The Current: Part II

Recently,  I watched a frustrated child on the playground whose parent was telling the 7-year-old daughter to "stop crying like a 2-year-old". I was appalled. If we can't cry in frustration at age 7, I am not sure what that means for emotional development into adulthood?

Emotional expression of most kinds is commonly shut down in our society. We call people "drama queens" if they express themselves, children are told to stop whining or crying, and adults strive for "balance" and inaccurately think that balance means feeling "neutral" or "calm" all the time - as if we were robots. Society seems obsessed with being "calm", rather than learning how to effectively process the emotion of anger.

As an adult, I chose to find ways to express frustration and anger that are not commonly talked about, certainly not "prescribed" by any psychologist or coach I have ever seen. If I am highly frustrated, I take a drive and sin…

Rapid Anger: Swim Through It - Part I

When I was 13 my dad made me a punching bag to use when I was frustrated. He wrapped a 2x4 piece of wood with very thick padding so the bag was oblong. He used duck tape to wrap it up tight, hung it from the ceiling and connected it to the floor with springs, so it had some give.

I remember when he was done and had left, I took a permanent marker and drew his face on it.
I was angry with my biological father for not being around much as I was growing up or when he was around, he just wasnt present. This is the story of so many kids.

I put my boxing gloves on and began tapping the punching bag. It didn't take long for me to really get into it and feel that I was pushing out every bit of anger I had within me. I made angry faces and started to sweat and jump around. The bag swung forward and back at me with his face on it and I hit it hard.

Using this bag gave me great relief and often times when I was done punching it, I felt sad. The sadness that was buried beneath the anger was …

The Lived Life

What is more important than everything I know? Ahh, all that I could have created but didn't.

We have all heard the sentiment that communicates a sense of regret:  "The unlived life", which refers to someone who did not pursue or achieve what they really wanted. Instead, they chose to live their life as a slave to others feelings and needs, and never put themselves first.

We are taught by our parents, religions, and our culture that we should always put others first. Yet we get on an airplane and the safety rules tell us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first so we can breathe and then put the masks on our children. Self-care and self-love is a balance that must be actively chosen, or we lose ourselves to other people and the world, and never live our authentic lives.

We see people everywhere, many times they are women, who never put themselves first. They are tired, have anxiety, insomnia and an array of other symptoms of this problem of no self-love. They distract …

Just Beneath the Surface: Spring is Here

May is Springtime and we can allow what's just beneath the surface to emerge for our greater good. Spring can wake us up from our slumber and reveal what is just beneath the surface to allow for the space to release, for your higher good.

During this time of year, we might be called to move our bodies more, transfer out the sweaters for the t-shirts, do some spring cleaning in the garage...there are lots of extra things on our plates. Some of us struggle to plan, start or finish our projects and we beat ourselves up with the list of "shoulds" and what we "should be doing". Feelings of not being "enough" or "good enough" sometimes come to the surface. That's when we know we are out of balance with our true selves. 

It is important to feel any grief that rises due to the negative, faulty beliefs about ourselves. We can choose to move through the anger (a secondary emotion) to the root feeling which is sometimes grief (a primary emotion) and

Moving Beyond Our Original Pain

All of us are born into this world and bring or acquire deep, emotional pain. For those who believe in past lives, we bring painful experiences and memories into this life with our soul energy. Then we acquire more as we grow. For those who believe in one life, we acquire our pain between conception and age 7 (imprint stage), first from our mother's experiences and emotions during pregnancy and then as we grow from any primary parental figures. During this stage we are like a duckling, following along what we perceive to be normal, even if it's not because we don't know the difference. A duckling will eat, walk, sleep, be afraid of, and trust whatever the parent duck does. So the question is, what happens when the parent duck models behaviors that do not support a healthy life?

For example, the parent duck likes to sleep under cars at night, because of the cold. The duckling follows and for many years this is the norm for survival. However, when the duckling grows into adu…