Emotional expression of most kinds is commonly shut down in our society. We call people "drama queens" if they express themselves, children are told to stop whining or crying, and adults strive for "balance" and inaccurately think that balance means feeling "neutral" or "calm" all the time - as if we were robots. Society seems obsessed with being "calm", rather than learning how to effectively process the emotion of anger.
As an adult, I chose to find ways to express frustration and anger that are not commonly talked about, certainly not "prescribed" by any psychologist or coach I have ever seen. If I am highly frustrated, I take a drive and sing really loud, rock -n- roll music, (coincidentally associated with a time in my life that I spent time with my biological father); if I am home alone I can yell and scream and complain until I feel a release, and if I am triggered the most (which is very rare), I have a punching bag - similar to the one in my youth. Of course, there are breathing techniques as well, the point is to choose a way to channel it.
Anger is a valid human emotion that is a doorway to primary emotions.
Any dismissal of anger is detrimental to our health and wellness. Repressed anger causes a multitude of behavioral and physical issues. Keeping our anger down is like keep a boiling pot of water on the stove constantly and keeping it mostly covered. Now and then, we let out some steam so it doesn't boil over, which feels dangerous. Taking the lid off is like little spurts where we "act out of character" but it doesn't serve as a true release, because the stove (anger) is constantly "on" we are wasting our precious energy.
When we choose to"manage" anger and keep a lid on it, we are allowing frustrations to forever simmer, which sometimes build to a boiling point. When that point is reached, do we blow up on ourselves or someone else causing secondary damage? Lots of suffering until the boiling point, then maybe we sabotage something important to us.we wonder why we feel exhausted or overwhelmed at the smallest things. That is because those small frustrating things are linked like a chain to all of yesterdays frustrations and to the days before and the years before and so on. Linked together in our neurology, so its a lot to hold.
Holding our anger down is a waste of living and the opposite of Joy.
Here is one way to observe processing pain effectively and I dare you to try it:
Rent the movie "Hostiles". Before starting the movie read this:
Observe these steps of the process in the movie:
1. Be present
2. Feel what you are really feeling until there is movement
3. Allow the movement to take you into the wisdom of the experience
4. From that place of wisdom, let it all go
5. Because you have embraced the wisdom of the past and let it all go, you are now ready for a new experience.
This movie is a stunning example of HOW to go through your pain. Let me know how it goes?
See you at your next Therapeutic Coaching session!